Toni Newman, Writer, law school student and author, ‘I Rise: The Transformation of
Posted: 05/21/2013 11:22 am
Living the life of a transsexual can be really hard. I know I don’t
have to tell you that. But while the day-to-day can be difficult,
dating can be even harder. Finding a mate who can love and accept you
as you will unfortunately not come easily. Like any person, you will
have to deal with rejection, heartbreak and disappointment, but don’t
be dismayed, because love is out there, and you can find it.
One of the biggest issues you will deal with is telling your partner
that you’re transsexual. You won’t have this problem if you’ve
primarily stuck to online dating forums designed for transsexuals, but
you most definitely will if you’re just hitting the bar scene or
standard online dating. Don’t feel like you are forced into the niche
online dating market as a transsexual. You should explore and date
whomever you want. Just know that there will come a time when your
transsexuality will have to be discussed. So why, how and when do you
Although every relationship and every person is different, there are a
few things that you can keep in mind when talking to your partner
about your transsexuality.
First and foremost, you should absolutely tell them about it. It’s a
major factor in your life. It’s made you who you are and has required
lots of careful consideration and change. Leaving this huge fact out
of your life with your partner is like not telling your partner that
you’re a devout Muslim. Moreover, though telling your partner can be
daunting, you shouldn’ t be afraid to be who you are. In fact, you
should be proud of yourself.
When it comes to telling your partner, you will want to make sure that
you have timed it correctly. This is not typically something that you
should wait a year or so to reveal. Holding back that kind of
information for a long time can cause your partner to feel misled and
resent you. Sadly, it’s important to keep in mind that the odds are
not in your favor. Your partner might not react well, and it could
end, but that shouldn’ t keep you from being honest, especially because
there are success stories, like this one
<http://www.boston. com/lifestyle/ family/articles/ 2011/08/09/ goodbye_husband_ hello_wife_ marriage_ survives_ transsexual_ change/>
. This is why you should have this talk before deep-seated feelings
have formed. Bring it up as soon as you feel like your dating
situation could move into relationship territory. At this point, you
have both already started to invest in each other but aren’t in so
deep that you’ll be devastated if it ends.
As for how to tell your partner, well, that’s a very personal
decision. You can catch them off guard, or you can plan the whole
thing out perfectly. Whatever you do decide, I recommend that you use
a scientific explanation to explain your transsexuality. Tell them
that you have gender dysphoria, and explain what it is and why you
needed to take the steps to feel right in your body. Stay calm, and
get ready to answer a lot of questions. Do not get defensive, and try
to respect the fact that they might have some tough questions and
could become confused or angry. Just be positive and open.
With all this said, it is important to go out and meet people. Pushing
people away won’t make you feel any better or bring you any happiness.
Don’t be afraid to develop feelings for someone just because they
might not accept you in the end. Putting yourself out there and making
yourself vulnerable is the only real way to find love and make lasting
And in the meantime, just continue loving yourself and being the only
person you need to make you happy.
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