just as the title says this blog is about words, images, solid, statements, foundations, what goes on paper, what is on the ground, growth, and whatever the blogger


part of my family knows about a terrifying moment of my life when I was finding myself as a teen. I was routinely use for sexual purposes by a man who at first I thought was a friend, I could trust. He took me to a place an apartment suite in the west end of Edmonton. A suite he had access to which became a part of my dirty secret for over 3 years. He even took me to his home and had on the bed he shared with his wife, I felt evil I hate myself for not saying anything at the time.
He gave me money and made sex into means of gaining favour from others. I was confused and hurt.
I had come out of the Glenrose School Hospital for sick children’s, 3rd floor mental health ward for children. I was not behaving like a boy, more like a female. I love sewing, cooking, flowers, crafts, etc. I was told that I could not do those things and put in a workshop to do so called ‘boys’ stuff. I was so confused and struggled with the fact that I was called a fag or sissy yet confused, I liked others boys I wanted to be housewife one day. The sexual things started as I was beginning to come out of the hospital at a family gathering, a engagement party with both families of my brother and sister-in-law. He tickled me, he fed me grapes made me feel, confused. He confused me.
I held that into myself from my family and friends until I was thirty some. Most of my family believed me and accepted me except the man’s side of our family, my brother. It hurt me to share it. I was treated like I did an evil thing.
When I was in my forty’s I struggle for the last time with being in the body. I had tried prayer, religion, spirituality, and more religion, you get the picture. Then I decided to transition to have Gender Reassignment Surgery to bring my body to meet my mind and soul of a woman. In January 2009 my body match with my mind and soul. I am now a female.
Weird, that some members of my family decided to agree with my brother and say I was the liar.
I was not always honesty or truthful, I hide my desire to be a woman, even made statements against it. Yet always finding the woman the female inside of me.
I have been very alone. Very little acceptance by my family or even attempts of getting to know the female I have become. My friends I could understand but my family, not all a few of my nephews have talked to me and keep in touch with me, a few hellos from some.
I would love to go to family events. Yet from a few contacts early in my transition to weddings, felt like my family was uncomfortable with me.
I just feel like a outcast the black evil,….
I live a moral life, in that I care about others. I am more of a humanist then a Christian, actually more of a agnostic or atheist if you want a title.
I am though Axcella the daughter of Peter and Ruth. I am related to my the sons and daughter of Peter and Ruth.
This is written as a result of watching the movie, “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” check it out if you want.
This was what was on my mind.


7 thoughts on “About”

  1. Please let me give you a warm hug and a big smile. You know, we truly can’t chose our family and just because someone is related to us, does not automatically make them a good person for us. Many sexual molestations happen by family members or people we know and I’m sure you’ve heard it many times before, but it really isn’t the child’s fault, even if they got pleasure out of it. The older person knew better, the child did not. Not really. I am sorry you had to experience what you did. He stole your innocence and that’s a hard thing to forgive.

    I am glad you are together in heart, mind, body and soul. It is a wonderful thing that you were able to do so. Hold you head high. You are who you are and that person is beautiful. NEVER let anyone treat you or tell you differently. You are a woman. Be proud. Be happy.

    Again I offer you a hug. All the best to you!

  2. I admire your strength in the face of such adversity.
    You are at last, in full control of your world, the ugly darkness has been left behind
    and there is no place for you to go now, but into the bright light of love and peace.
    Your Blog is simply wonderful, I love your work~

  3. Hi! I’m nominating you for the Liebster Award! It’s an award for bloggers who have 200 followers or less and who’s blogs we really like. I love your blog because it’s so informative about so many important political and social issues, especially transgender issues. I have 2 friends who are transgender- they are both “male to female.” They helped me realize that transgender people are human beings just like everyone else, and therefore deserve to be treated with the same respect and given the same rights. One of my transgender “male to female” friends is now married to a woman and they are both very happy. The other is majoring in Women’s Issues in college. They’ve both told me how hard it is to be transgender, so I understand how hard it must be for you.
    I hope you have people around you who support you emotionally- if you don’t, you’ll find some. You are such a wonderful person, so I know you will!

    The process for accepting the award is a bit long, but I did it anyway ’cause I was so exciting to be nominated myself! To find the info, go to my blog page where I wrote about my own nomination– http://illuminatebytanya.wordpress.com/2013/06/16/thanks-ive-been-nominated-for-the-liebster-award/.

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